Pulling at festivals
After some free love? TheSite.org helps you pick your best suitor.
Hairy Hippy
Spot them: Spiritual, smelly, spliff-smokin' and yet somehow sexy.
Good for: While you may not get around to the sex (opting to stare into the bonfire for life's answers instead), if you do it's sure to be a meaningful one.
Watch out for: Missing the whole festival while doing the above.
Firebreather
Spot them: That'll be the one breathing fire.
Good for: Scorching sex, although probably into S&M.
Watch out for: Burns if you get too steamy.
Muddy Mancunian
Spot them: Muddy.
Good for: A quick roll in the mud before heading off to the dance tent.
Watch out for: Drowning in puddles that are deeper than you thought.
Mad hatter
Spot them: Festival virgins, they'll be sunburned, fumbling, vomiting, jester hat-wearing and quite possibly tripping.
Good for: A laugh (at them, not with them).
Watch out for: Becoming part of the joke.
Naked person
Spot them: Erm, the one without any clothes on.
Good for: Easy access.
Watch out for: Exhibitionist tendencies, plus they may run off with a fellow naked person if you don't shed your clothes fast enough.
Dodgy dealer
Spot them: Tendency to wheeze, "speed, pills, hash," in your ear, and then sell you paracetamol or Oxo cubes.
Good for: Free 'pretend' drugs. A shopping spree if they were successful.
Watch out for: The boys in blue/disgruntled customers.
Platform primadonna
Spot them: Tottering around in best 'Saturday night on the town' gear and full make-up.
Good for: Nothing - these girls really aren't worth the hassle, they may break a nail.
Watch out for: Mud baths - the perfect way to ditch her - and her heels.
City slicker
Spot them: Yelling "I'm at the Pyramid stage, it's really crap" into their shiny new mobile.
Good for: We'll get back to you on that one.
Watch out for: Boring pillow talk on the stock market and how absolutely bloody fantastically great they are(n't).
Band member
Spot them: Backstage passes, camera flashes, instruments.
Good for: Clean(er) portaloos and showers, chance to mingle in the VIP bar.
Watch out for: The paparazzi, do you really want to be on the cover of Heat before you've used those showers?
Farm Cow
Spot them: Mooooooooooooooooooooo.
Good for: Erm, milk?
Watch out for: A pat on the back you really don't deserve; being arrested for beastiality.
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