Naughty pulls
Dangerous liaisons often have consequences, so you have to know how to deal with them.
They're not available
The decent thing to do would be to back off, even if you want to be with them. If they want to leave their partner, let them end their relationship without dragging you into the mess, and if you still want each other when the dust has settled, then act on it.
If they messed up and want to remain part of the couple, or if you completely regret it, you'll have to talk through with them what you are going to do. At the end of the day you have to trust your instincts on what to do here, decide whether honesty is worth the hurt it will cause, whether you would only tell their partner to make yourself feel better, or whether you feel they deserve the truth.
Whether you knew the situation beforehand or not there's always going to be more heartache for you if you stick with it. If their partner finds out, you're going to be the bitch/ bastard, which can be especially difficult if you do stick with them and try to get to know their mates. If you've helped to break up a long-term relationship, chances are their friends are also close to the ex, and won't make it easy for you.
You're not available
You have to ask yourself why you did it. Is the relationship you're in over, are you afraid of commitment, bored or insecure?
If you know you don't want to be with your partner anymore then break up with them rather than arsing around behind their back. Treat them with a little respect.
If you have fallen for the person you pulled, ask yourself whether this is a passing crush or the real deal. If you still love your partner and want to stay with them, let it go, but if it's over, break up with them and take some breathing space. If you still want to be with the new person after the timeout, then go for it.
If you are bored or unhappy you need to speak with your partner and address the problems in your relationship. Going through a rough patch doesn't give you an automatic right to sleep around, and the damage in trust that these actions may cause could turn that bad patch into a terminated relationship. We have tips on successful monogamy here.
You're the best of mates
If it was a one-off thing and neither of you want to take it any further than leave it at that and try to get things back to normal. This can take a little time, as things may be awkward between you, but it will sort itself out with a little effort from you both.
It's your boss
Screwing the crew is generally not advisable even if it might secure you a big fat bonus. Many things can go very wrong, and why would you want to pack in a job you love for the sake of a fumble in the stationary cupboard with someone soon to be collecting their pension?
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