Climax conundrum
Question
I love my boyfriend to bits and I feel really attracted to him, especially when it comes to sex, but I just can't have an orgasm when we do it. I climax when he goes down on me, but during intercourse it never happens.
What's wrong with me? I just don't understand.
Answer
Please don't feel that you (or your boyfriend) is at fault for what's happening here. Good, rewarding sex requires equal commitment and understanding from both partners, which means you need to focus on dealing with this situation as a couple.
Few women actually achieve orgasm through penetrative sex alone and it's nothing to do with them having a problem; this is to do with anatomy. Women are much more likely to reach orgasm through stimulation of the clitoris (the highly sensitive bump at the top of the vaginal lips), but during penetrative sex it's the vagina that's being stimulated.
To help you feel more relaxed you could take penetrative sex off the agenda. It'll help to ease any anxieties you may have, which can often take the edge off things, and instead create an environment for you to re-engage with each other intimately.
If you have no problem climaxing through masturbation or oral sex then why not focus on this area for a while, and even show him how you can cum on your own? Not only could this be a deeply erotic moment for you both, it may also provide your partner with an opportunity to see if he can perfect his technique. You'll find your confidence will grow this way, which will help make sex more rewarding when the time feels right to reintroduce penetrative intercourse to your relationship.
At the same time, be sure to talk about what's on your mind, if not just about sex but other areas of your life that might be causing you concern. It's important to be open about all areas of your life with your partner and not just to focus on your sexual relationship.
Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
