Stress management
Question
One of my friends is suffering from stress and her doctor has told her to take an over-the-counter herbal remedy but I think the problem is much more serious than that implies.
I actually think she's really depressed, rather than stressed, as the tiniest thing can affect her. She's told me she cries all the time for no reason and because she's been like this for a long time her family think it's normal.
I'm the only person she seems to talk to about things, but I just don't know what to say. I'm so worried about her but I don't seem to be able to offer her any constructive advice. What should I say to her?
Answer
It sounds like your friend has been going through a difficult time and, understandably, you're very concerned for her. Being stressed is hard enough to deal with for a short period, so the fact she's been feeling this way for a long time must be very difficult for her.
Feelings of anxiety and stress can be a result of pressures in a particular area of someone's life, e.g. at work, in a relationship, or at college. Tackling the causes of this pressure could help relieve the stress. You say your friend gets stressed over tiny things and it could be that be something has happened to trigger these feelings. But, sometimes, there is no obvious reason for them, so it's hard to know what is causing the problem.
Your friend might find MIND's Guide to Managing Stress useful for dealing with her stress on a day-to-day basis. But she might also find it beneficial to spend some time looking at possible reasons for why she feels the way she does. If underlying emotional problems are the cause of her stress she might need some help in dealing with them.
Feelings of stress and anxiety that have lasted for a long time could have various causes; they can also be part of other conditions, such as depression. You say she finds herself crying all the time for no reason and this can also be a symptom of depression. But the only way to get a diagnosis would be for your friend to talk about these feelings with her doctor (GP).
It is good to hear your friend has already consulted her GP. Some natural remedies are well documented to bring relief from many of the symptoms caused by the stresses and strains of modern living. They can relieve worry and irritability as well as helping to restore natural sleep patterns without causing drowsiness during the day.
But there are other treatments your friend can also discuss with her GP. It can sometimes help for people to talk to someone they don't know; this is where talking treatments can prove very useful. Speaking to a counsellor or therapist can be helpful, as they can enable people to work through their issues in a confidential, non-judgemental environment. Her GP will be able to give more specific advice on the kinds of talking treatments, such as counselling and alternative medications, such as antidepressants that might work for her. Perhaps it would be worth offering to accompany her to another appointment, to offer extra support.
And talking to you is a great start, so she can share her feelings and identify her needs. It may also provide you with a better insight into her situation, so you can offer more effective support and understanding. She obviously places a lot of trust in you and values your friendship. By simply being there to listen, you are giving her time and space. This is a good way of supporting someone too. But it's important to be aware of your own needs and limitations. Feeling so deeply concerned may make you feel quite helpless, but sometimes just having someone there to reassure and talk to can be the greatest help of all.
Finally, it's unlikely your friend's intention is to upset you, but if she does open up to you, the things she talks about may trigger some of you own emotions. If this is the case, it's important to be honest with her, reassure her that although you do want to help, you may find it hard at times or not know what to do. This situation might, at times, feel like a big responsibility but you can also talk in confidence to SANELINE on 0845 767 8000. They are available to anyone affected by a mental health issue. Both you and your friend can talk to them about feelings and worries you're experiencing.
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Question answered by SANE
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